Sometimes my patients have interesting requests. I can’t always grant them.
On the oncology wards, we often have patients admitted for pain control. It’s not that these patients are drug seeking- their pain might be worse because of their treatments or because their disease is spreading. While this can often be done as an outpatient, sometimes it is just easier to bring someone in, try out a different pain drug or different doses, and see if we can send them home with less pain.
However, as I said, I can’t prescribe everything.
For this particular patient, I walked in the room, introduced myself, and asked the patient what his goals were for this particular visit (some patients are fine living with some degree of pain if it means they’re more awake, while others are fine with the sedating effects of certain medications if it means all of their pain is gone).
Patient (in a very eager voice): Look at the board!
And there, on the whiteboard under “patient goals,” was written very clearly in large black letters….
Me: Uhm, sir, I’m fairly confident that I cannot legally write you a script for medical marijuana in this state.
Patient: Well what about illegally writing me a script?
Me: I’m pretty sure I can’t do that, either.
Patient: But what if smoking pot helps my pain?
Me: I’m not saying that smoking pot doesn’t help your pain- I’m just saying that I cannot write you a script for medical marijuana. And you also can’t smoke pot you buy on the street here in your hospital room.
Patient: Really? Are you sure?
Me: Pretty sure it’s against the building code.
Patient: Damn. Guess I’ll take the morphine then.
Got the Munchies Gluten Free Brownies
- 4 eggs
- 2 cups packed brown sugar
- 1 c vegetable oil
- 1 tbsp vanilla
- 1 1/4 c cocoa powder
- 1 tbsp instant espresso powder
- 1/2 c rice flour (can use regular flour too if you don’t want these gluten-free)
- 1/2 tsp salt
- 1 c semi-sweet chocolate chips
- Cooking spray
- Preheat oven to 300 degrees Fahrenheit.
- In a large bowl, mix together eggs, brown sugar, vegetable oil, and vanilla until mixture is slightly lightened.
- Add in cocoa powder, espresso powder, flour, and salt.
- Stir in chocolate chips.
- Spray a 9×13 in glass baking dish with cooking spray (if desired, line first with parchment paper- it makes it easier to take the brownies out- and then spray). Pour in brownie batter.
- Bake for 40-50 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean.
- These are super rich brownies, so cut into 32 pieces once cool.
I never said these were healthy…but cut into small pieces, they won’t kill your diet if you can attempt to limit yourself. Though that might be a big “if.”
These brownies also ship very well!