Boyfriends and Baked Potato Salad

You can never make assumptions in medicine.

I once walked into my elderly patient’s room, where she was accompanied by a gentleman sitting there caressing her hand. I went through the general questions of the admission: what brought her here, what other medical conditions she had, what drugs she took.

And then, I said the wrong thing.

Mind you, this patient was a fairly spry 98 year old woman who didn’t look a day over 80, accompanied by a man who looked to be approximately 60 (though I had no idea of his real age).

Me (to patient): And I’m assuming that this handsome gentleman here with you is your husband?

Patient (appalled): Excuuuuse me, missy, this man is my boy-friend.

Me (stuttering): I’m so sorry for making that assumption, ma’am. My most sincere apologies.

Patient (proudly): Yup, at my age I can still bag ‘em and tag ‘em. But I’m just here to have fun, you know? No need to waste good money on a wedding when we can waste it on other things, right doll?

This last bit said to the patient’s boyfriend, who had not yet spoken, but found it wise to answer a simple “yup”.

Bag ‘em and Tag ‘em Baked Potato Salad

Perfect for obtaining that significant other…no engagement ring required

Ingredients

  • 3 lb redskin potatoes, cut into 1-in chunks
  • 1 c reduced-fat cheddar cheese, shredded
  • 1/2 c fresh chives
  • 1/2 c light mayonnaise (I prefer the olive oil versions)
  • 1/2 c fat free sour cream
  • 1/2 c fat-free plain greek yogurt
  • 1/8-1/4 c fat-free milk
  • 1 tbsp garlic powder
  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • 5 slices cooked bacon, crumbled (optional)

How-to

  1. In a large pot, cover potatoes with cold water. Add a liberal amount of salt. Bring to a boil, then reduce to simmer. Cook for approximately 15-20 minutes or until you can pierce potatoes with a fork (not a knife!!).
  2. While potatoes are cooking, mix together mayonnaise, sour cream, and greek yogurt in a large bowl. Thin out with 1/4 c milk. Stir in cheddar cheese, chives, garlic powder, and bacon (optional).
  3. When potatoes are finished cooking, drain and rinse twice in cold water.
  4. Add potatoes to dressing mixture. Add additional milk if necessary to thin to desired consistency.
  5. Salt and pepper to taste.
  6. Chill potato salad for at least 2 hours to allow flavors to meld. Taste again and add additional salt and pepper if necessary before serving.

Feel free to halve recipe if you aren’t serving a crowd!

Horny Old Ladies and Mashed Potatoes

In medicine, you always have some crazy patients.

I was doing my emergency medicine rotation at a private hospital in the Detroit area.  Our patient population was this mix of people with a lot of money and residents of Detroit that didn’t want to go to any of the inner city hospitals.

I picked up the next chart to see that I would be seeing a lady who had been sent to the ED with high blood pressure. I made my way over to her hallway bed- the place was packed, which is normal for night, so the majority of our beds line the hallways.

In taking a history, you run through a number of questions…what brings you here? when did this start? how are you feeling now?

My patient was an African-American woman who was much closer to 100 than she was to 50, decked out in a leopard-print suit and had her red hat lying on the bed next to her. Her daughter, who was much closer to 50, was sitting in the chair next to her. She was a bit hard of hearing, which meant that she answered every question very loudly.

And then, I hit the fated question: “Ma’am, are you in any pain right now?”

Patient (in a loud purr): Oh honey, I have a pain between my legs that only a man or toy can fix.  Unfortunately my husband passed away so I’m stuck resorting to batteries.

Daughter: Oh mom, this nice lady here doesn’t want to know about your sex life. Just answer the question.

I’ll admit two things:

  1. I burst out laughing in the middle of the ED- I just couldn’t help myself. Thankfully they laughed along with me, along with everyone who overheard.
  2. She went home in great health a few hours later.

Satisfying Alternative Garlic Mashed Potatoes

Ingredients

  • 1.5 lbs small red-skin potatoes (about half a 5 lb bag), not peeled and chopped into small pieces (feel free to use whatever potato you have on hand- I just prefer red skin or yukon gold)
  • 5 cloves garlic, minced (can use more if you like)
  • 2 tbsp light butter
  • 1/3 c skim milk
  • 1/4 c fat-free sour cream
  • 1/4 c fat-free greek yogurt
  • 1 tsp garlic powder
  • 3 tbsp chives, chopped
  • Salt
  • Pepper

How-to

  1. Place potatoes into a 2 qt saucepan and cover with cold salted (normally 1/2 tsp) water. Cover and place over medium heat. Remove cover when boiling and continue for approximately 15-20 minutes until potatoes are easily pierced by a fork.
  2. Drain potatoes (do not rinse), add butter and garlic to pan, and cover for approximately 5 minutes.
  3. Mash potatoes, butter, and garlic together.  (Don’t have a potato masher? Me either!  I always use a whisk- my grandfather’s trick.)
  4. Stir in skim milk, sour cream, greek yogurt, and garlic powder and continue mashing until potatoes reach your desired consistency (feel free to add more skim milk if necessary).
  5. Add chives and salt and pepper to taste. Enjoy!

Serves 4-6 normal adults or 3 of Irish-Polish heritage ;)