Flowers, Part 1, and Lobster

My father can get you to agree to anything.

It was my first Valentine’s Day in high school where I had a boyfriend. Now, Valentine’s Day was a bit different for my family- it’s both my dad’s and my brother’s birthday, so it’s normally the night we go out to eat for that. Plus my mother always gave us a treasure hunt (complete with our own treasure map) for us to find our chocolates that evening.

Thus, for my first Valentine’s Day with a boyfriend, I spent it with my family. But my high school boyfriend did call me that evening.

High School Boyfriend: Hey, did you get anything dropped off today?

High School Me: Nope, why?

High School Boyfriend: Oh, I tried to send you flowers. I only got your carnations since they were the cheapest thing they had. 

My dad was overhearing this phone conversation, and asked for the phone.

The next day, there was a knock at the door. And a delivery guy, who was carrying a dozen roses and a box of chocolates.

High School Me: This certainly isn’t carnations.

Dad: I know. I called the flower shop and had them upgrade you for free. I told them how disappointed you were, and how your boyfriend was too chicken to call, so therefore I had to swoop in and make things right. Besides, it’s not like anyone is going to buy roses today. The flower shop is really getting a deal on this. 

My high school boyfriend didn’t even attempt to take any credit, based on proper fear of the girlfriend’s father.

Only the Best Lobster Tails

lobster tailsbecause daddy’s little girl deserves everything, especially lobster

Ingredients (per person)

  • Lobster tail (look for around 5-6 ounces), thawed (most grocery stores seem to put these on special for $5 each here in the midwest, I’ve seen- and they freeze quite well!)
  • 2 tbsp butter
  • 1/8 tsp Old Bay seasoning
  • 1/2 c white wine
  • Water

How-to

  1. Cut down the back of the lobster tail approximately 3-4 inches using a good pair of scissors (this will help the tails not curl up as much and make them easier to eat).
  2. Place white wine into whatever pot works with a steamer you happen to own (mine fits on top of a medium sized pot, but feel free to use a steamer basket if that’s all you have).
  3. Add enough water to the pot so that it’s at approximately one inch (or whatever level you need so that, once you insert the steamer, that the lobster tails won’t be sitting in the liquid).
  4. Place in or on the steamer and bring the liquid to a boil.
  5. Place in lobster tails and replace lid. Steam for 8-10 minutes, being sure not to remove the lid during the first 8 minutes.
  6. In a microwaveable safe ramekin, place the butter and Old Bay. Microwave in 10-second increments until the butter is melted.
  7. When the lobsters are done, remove from the steamer.
  8. Serve tails along with the melted, seasoned butter.

Art Museums and Chicken Salads

There are things that you just don’t want to know about your teachers. You especially don’t want to see them.

French was my foreign language of choice (I also couldn’t take Spanish because I have no ability to roll my R’s, and that was a requirement at my school to take Spanish). However, due to a number of wacky circumstances, I had 8 different French teachers in 5.5 years of taking French, all of whom liked to start over at the very beginning. That essentially means that I still excel at conjugating verbs, but that’s about the extent of my skill set. (I can read some things in romance languages, though).

Okay, back from my tangent.

In high school, our teacher decided that we should take a trip to the DIA, since they were having an exhibit of French painters. We obviously all decided to go, since this was a full-day field trip and what high schooler doesn’t want to skip out on the rest of their classes?

That morning, we all hopped on the bus for our hour long trip to Detroit. To our surprise, our French teacher decided to bring her husband along on our trip.

Now, I should take a quick moment to state that my French teacher was a very socially awkward women in her mid-60s, and that her husband was a very round and also very socially awkward man in his mid-60s.

We got to the museum without any issues and spent the next few hours wandering around looking at art. However, it was soon time to move on to the next attraction, and our French teacher and her husband were nowhere to be found.

That is, until someone went and used the restroom. And reported hearing weird noises and two pairs of shoes in a stall.

We thus were all waiting outside the men’s room when my teacher’s husband, and then my teacher, emerged.

French class was very awkward for the rest of the year.

Socially Appropriate Chicken Salad

always appropriate for any occasion

Ingredients

  • 2 c chicken, shredded
  • 1 rib celery, diced
  • 1/4 c walnuts, chopped
  • 1/4 c dried cranberries
  • 1/4 c fat free greek yogurt
  • 1/4 c light mayonnaise
  • 1/4 c fat free sour cream
  • 1 tbsp tarragon
  • Salt
  • Pepper

How-to

  1. Mix together greek yogurt, mayonnaise, sour cream, and tarragon.
  2. Add in chicken, celery, walnuts, and dried cranberries. If mixture is too thick, thin out with some skim milk.
  3. Salt and pepper to taste.

Revenge, Glitter, and Asparagus with Eggs

Revenge doesn’t always turn out the way you want it to.

Back in high school, once of my longtime guy friends (we’re talking friends since kindergarten sort of thing) decided that we were meant to be together and asked me to be his girlfriend (yup, we jumped straight to that without even a first date).

I turned him down because I didn’t want to ruin the friendship (and I wasn’t interested in him in that way). Therefore, he decided to “get revenge” by asking one of my “friends” to an upcoming high school dance.

To start, I actually wasn’t friends with this girl. We hung out in the same group of friends, but personally I found her rather annoying. Victory #1 for me, with more to follow.

They both bragged the entire month about how they were going to the dance together. And then, the fateful day arrived.

The girl had chosen a glittery silver floor-length dress (which would have blended into her skin- she had one of those practically transparent complexions- in pictures if the glitter hadn’t caught the flash). Then they chose to grind it out (and sloppily make out- it was the first of such incidents for both of them) on the dance floor before getting their official dance pictures taken.

A week later, I walked up to this girl wailing over her dance pictures with her new boyfriend. Without a word, she passed the pictures to me.

It’s really recommended that, if do you choose to wear a dress with glitter, that you get your pictures first. Otherwise, you’ll end up with their situation. Remember how I said the glitter caught the camera flash?  Well, the guy had a large area of glitter on his suit. It was unfortunately all centered around his crotch, since they had made the unwise decision to dance before taking their pictures.

Yup, his revenge plan TOTALLY worked.

Stay Classy Asparagus and Eggs

the easiest, fanciest-looking dinner you’ll make

Ingredients

  • 1/2 lb asparagus per person
  • 2-3 eggs per person
  • Olive oil spray (I use a spray bottle with olive oil in it)
  • Salt
  • Pepper

How-to

  1. Preheat oven to 475 degrees Fahrenheit.
  2. Spray cookie sheet with olive oil.
  3. Break off woody ends of the asparagus and line up on the pan. Spray with some additional olive oil (you don’t need too much) and salt and pepper to taste.
  4. Roast for 6-8 minutes until bright green (I use 6 minutes for thin spears and 8 minutes for thicker spears).
  5. Remove tray from oven. Crack one egg in a separate bowl and carefully pour onto a section of asparagus spears. Repeat with additional eggs. Sprinkle with some additional pepper and salt.
  6. Return to oven and roast for an additional 8-10 minutes, or until the whites have set (the eggs will end up having the consistency of a poached egg).  If you like your egg yolks harder, cook for an additional 3-5 minutes.
  7. Use a spatula to remove from the pan. If desired, top with a drizzle of hollandaise sauce.