Going Home and Blueberry Buckle

Sometimes, patients are really excited to go home.

You’d be surprised how many patients never want to leave the hospital. Some people actually like the food, others think that we’re more like a full-service hotel than a place for patient care, et cetera.

Other patients are more normal. And they want to leave.

We were rounding that morning on a patient that had been admitted the previous day. He was approximately in his forties, walking around the hospital room, while his wife sat on the couch.

Patient: So when can I go home?

Me: Well sir, it looks like we can send you home this morning. We just have to finish up the paperwork.

Patient: Well hurry up, since I want to get LAID!

* stunned looks on the faces of the medical team *

To her credit, his wife immediately whipped out her phone, called her sister, and informed her that they needed a ride ASAP.

They ran out the door five minutes later. And his discharge instructions did recommend exercise.

Afterglow Blueberry Buckle

blueberry bucklethe perfect after-bang breakfast

Ingredients (buckle)

  • 3/4 c brown sugar
  • 1/4 c vegetable oil
  • 1 egg
  • 1/2 c skim milk
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • 1 c white flour
  • 1 c whole-wheat flour
  • 1 tsp cinnamon, plus extra for dusting
  • 2 1/2 tsp baking powder
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 2 1/2 c blueberries (if using frozen, don’t thaw first!)
  • White sugar for dusting
  • Cooking spray

Ingredients (sauce)

  • 2  1/2 c blueberries
  • 2/3 c sugar
  • Zest and juice from 1 lemon
  • 1 1/2 c water, plus 1/2 c for later
  • 3 tbsp cornstarch

How-to

  1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.
  2. Spray two loaf pans with cooking spray.
  3. In a bowl, mix together flours, cinnamon, baking powder, and salt. Stir in blueberries so they are all covered with the mixture (this will help them not sink to the bottom of the cake). Set aside.
  4. In another bowl, mix together sugar and vegetable oil. Add in the egg and stir until the mixture just starts to lighten. Stir in the milk and vanilla.
  5. Fold in the dry ingredients with the blueberries in an attempt to keep most of the blueberries whole (some of them will get smushed in the mixing process, but that’s okay!).
  6. Divide mixture between the two loaf pans.
  7. Sprinkle the top of each loaf with cinnamon and white sugar.
  8. Bake for 35-45 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean (besides parts of blueberries, of course). Let cool for 10-20 minutes before slicing.
  9. While the buckle is baking (or while it is cooling, if you took a recreational break), dump the blueberries, water, lemon juice, and sugar into a medium saucepan. Turn heat to medium high and cook for approximately 10 minutes (you want some of the blueberries to pop, but others to still be a bit whole. It will be boiling. And it might splatter, so wear an apron).
  10. Mix together the remaining 1/2 c cold water with the cornstarch. Stir this mixture into the saucepan. Cook for an additional minute or until desired thickness. (no pun intended)
  11. Let sauce cool for 3-5 minutes, then spoon it onto the buckle. Enjoy!

Screamers and Blueberry Muffin Bread

I feel like pregnancy and childbirth always lead to some of the best medical stories.

On my third year pediatrics rotation, we have to spend a day attending any birth where a pediatrician must be present. This can be for emergencies, poor prenatal care, weird contraction patterns, et cetera.

In this case, we had a girl who presented to her clinic visit that day, only to discover that she was in labor and fully dilated. That baby was coming, and it was going to come fast.

Not if she had anything to do about it.

We could hear her screaming all the way down the hall as we walked into her room. For those of you that don’t know, you can only get an epidural up to a certain point in labor, and she was well past that by the time she even showed up to clinic. That resulted in this poor lady having a natural childbirth when she had previously stated she refused to give birth without an epidural.

Now, pain makes you do some crazy things. In this case, pain from childbirth was causing her to try to kick the delivery team away from her as she repeated threatened to “keep that damn baby in.”

This ordeal lasted for about 20 minutes until her mother finally showed up. Her mother was an extremely large woman, to put it nicely. And she was not happy at her daughter’s behavior.

She stomped into the room, pushed the delivery team out of the way, and got into her daughter’s face to scream over the wailing…

“Now you listen to me, you are gonna have that f***ing baby, and you are going to f***ing cooperate with these nice doctors, or I will f***ing rip that child outta your f***ing  va-jay-jay myself. DO YOU F***ING UNDERSTAND ME???”

The baby was born within the next 5 minutes.

The next morning, we visited her room to check on the new little munchkin. The new mom gushed to us that childbirth had been a “wonderful, peaceful, calming experience,” and it was “sent from God” and she would “always have a natural childbirth.”

In the background, her mother glared daggers at us, daring us to say anything different.

Needless to say, we kept our mouths shut. Tightly.

Worth Screaming for Blueberry Muffin Bread

then just pass me one of these and I’ll shut up quickly

Ingredients- Muffin Bread

  • 1 3/4 c flour
  • 1/3 c brown sugar
  • 2 tsp baking powder
  • 1/4 tsp salt
  • 3/4 c fresh or frozen blueberries
  • 1 egg
  • 1 tbsp lemon juice plus enough milk (I used 1/2%) to make 3/4 c
  • 1/4 c vegetable oil
  • Cooking spray

Ingredients- Streusel Topping

  • 3 tbsp flour
  • 3 tbsp brown sugar
  • 1/4 tsp cinnamon
  • 2 tbsp butter

How-to

  1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Spray mini loaf pans (you can also use muffin pans for this or a large loaf pan/jumbo muffin tin- if using either of those, reduce oven temp to 350 degrees Fahrenheit and bake for approximately 30-45 minutes).
  2. Mix together flour, brown sugar, baking powder, and salt. Add in blueberries.
  3. In a large measuring cup, combine lemon juice and milk. Add vegetable oil and egg and stir well.
  4. Pour liquids into dry ingredients and stir until just combined (lumps are okay!).
  5. Divide batter equally among mini loaves, muffins, or just dump it all into one loaf pan.
  6. Mix together flour, brown sugar, and cinnamon for topping. Cut in butter until the mixture looks clumpy. Sprinkle onto batter.
  7. Bake for 15-20 minutes (or see note above if you’re using an alternate pan) or until a toothpick comes out clean.
  8. Let cool 5 minutes then enjoy!