Beer and Wine Jelly

Sometimes, patient’s don’t understand what isn’t allowed in the hospital.

Back in med school, I was on the medicine inpatient wards. In medicine, you always have some patients who have been in the hospital for a while. And those patients sometimes are allowed to have a bit more freedoms just because they’re essentially living in the hospital.

My particular patient had been in the hospital for quite a few weeks. He was an overall fairly healthy guy, except for what was keeping him in the hospital. He also loved his sports. And something else with those sports.

I was on call one day, and had to walk into his room later on to see how he was doing now that we had changed around some of his medications.

And there, neatly lined up in the window, was a row of 4 bottles. With beer labels.

Me: Excuse me, sir, but are those yours?

Patient: Yup, the wife took pity on me and brought us something to drink during the baseball game.

Me: Sir, you realize you can’t drink in the hospital, right?

Patient: Good thing I had the wife hide the other two!

And no, alcohol is not one of the freedoms he was allowed.

Hospital Appropriate Spiced Wine Jelly

wine jelly

since alcohol is allowed in hospitals in jelly form

Ingredients

  • 1 bottle red wine
  • 1 cinnamon stick
  • 5 whole cloves
  • 3 1/4 c whit e sugar
  • 1 packet liquid pectin
  • 3 tbsp lemon juice

How-to

  1. Bring a water bath canner with lids and jars (this makes about 3.5 C jelly, so plan accordingly) to a boil.
  2. In a small saucepan, measure out 1 1/4 c wine and pour in. Add cinnamon stick, cloves, and nutmeg. Bring to a boil and cook for approximately 15-25 minutes, or until reduced to 1/3 c liquid. Remove from heat.
  3. In a separate, larger pot, pour in the rest of the wine and add in the sugar. Over medium-high heat, bring to a boil, stirring often.
  4. When larger pot has come to a boil, add pectin and lemon juice. Bring back to a hard boil (once you cannot stir down) and cook for 1 minute.
  5. Strain in reduced wine in order to remove the spices.
  6. Ladle jelly into jars leaving 1/4 in at the top for room. Wipe rims clean, then place on lids with rings. Process for 5 minutes (adjust for altitude- please comment for times).
  7. Remove jars from water bath and let set (don’t touch them!) for 12-24 hours. Store for up to one year (one month in the fridge).
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Names and Stuffing/Dressing

I realize that my last name is complicated. However, there are still unacceptable things to call me.

I was born with a Polish last name that isn’t quite pronounced the way it’s spelled. It actually used to be far more complicated, but my great grandfather had changed it, assuming that people would still know the basic pronunciation of the Polish language. That essentially means that I was always really good at identifying telemarketers as a kid, since they always said my last name with two syllables instead of three.

For most of my patients, I introduce myself as Dr. So and So, but then normally tell them that they can call me by my first name if a wave of confusion washes over their face. However, I always have to say the “doctor” part the first time I meet someone- in the hospital, everyone and their mother is walking around in a long white coat. There’s also the fact that every patient tends to assume that any female they meet in the hospital is a nurse, and then I get paged incessantly about how the “doctor hasn’t been in to see the patient yet” when I’ve spent 30 minutes already that morning explaining everything.

But, I digress. To the story at hand.

It was the same drill as always, “Hi Mr. Patient, I’m Doctor So and So.”

Each day, this gentleman got more and more casual. At first, I was still Dr. My Last Name. Which then became Dr. Megan. Which became Megan.

Which then transformed into something else entirely.

When I was in the process of discharging my patient, he thanked me for providing him with good medical care during his visit.

Except he said, “Thanks Doctor Babygirl, I had a great time.”

When asked, he couldn’t even understand why this wasn’t appropriate to say.

Multiple Names Stuffing/Dressing

Stuffing/Dressingin my family you don’t dare call this by the wrong name unless you want a lecture

Ingredients (makes 3 cups stuffing)

  • 5 slices wheat bread, toasted
  • 2 stalks celery, diced
  • 1 onion, diced
  • 1 stick butter
  • 1/4 c dried cranberries
  • 1/2 c white wine
  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • 1 tsp poultry seasoning

How-to

  1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees Fahrenheit.
  2. Saute onions and celery in the butter (just do all at once- no need to pre-melt the butter) in a medium saucepan.
  3. In a large bowl, rip up toasted bread into small pieces. Add in celery, onions, butter, and cranberries.
  4. Stir in poultry seasoning (sometimes I go up to 1 1/2 tsp).
  5. Add in wine (start with 1/4 cup and continuing adding as the bread soaks up the wine). If necessary, add more wine to soak wheat bread (you want this to be pretty moist so it doesn’t try out).
  6. Salt and pepper to taste.
  7. Stuff into birds (this makes approximately 3 cups) for stuffing or bake in a casserole dish for 30 minutes, covered with aluminum foil, for dressing.
  8. Serve with gravy.

Medicine and Pink Sangria

If you’re going to date me, you at least have to think my job is needed.

I was on a date with another guy from my online dating stint. The first date had gone quite well- met up for coffee and pie, good conversation happened, and then we agreed to a second date. I told amusing stories about my work, and he told funny stories about some of the things he dealt with (he had previously lived in a far more rural area before moving to the big city).

It was on the second date where things went wrong.

We met up at a bar for drinks and were at the point where we started talking about our families.

Date: So my dad works in alternative medicine…my family doesn’t believe in modern medicine.

I might have nearly choked on my beer at that statement.

Me: Nothing? Not one bit?

Date: Nope. No medications ever. We don’t see doctors. The dentist is fine, though. Gotta take care of your teeth.

Me (shocked): You do remember I’m a doctor, right? In particular an anesthesiologist? Where I use drugs all the time to put people to sleep for surgery?

Date: Oh, I thought that maybe you just didn’t use medications. Can’t you use alternative methods for all of that?

Now, don’t get me wrong- I use meditation and deep breathing with my patients all the time. I’m a big proponent But I also give them medications.

Shockingly, I did not see him again.

Alternative Strategies Pink Sangria

in case you want to go ahead and medicate yourself

Ingredients

  • 1 bottle rose wine
  • 1/2 c vodka
  • 1/4 c raspberry liquour
  • 2 lemons, sliced thin
  • 1/2 raspberries or blackberries
  • 2-3 c light pink or raspberry lemonade
  • 1-2 c soda water

How-to

  1. In a large pitcher, pour in rose wine,  vodka, liquour, and lemonade (start with 2 c).
  2. Add lemon slices and berries. Taste (you might need to add additional lemonade).
  3. Place in fridge and let sit overnight.
  4. Before serving, stir and add soda water to achieve however many bubbles you’d prefer. (I normally start with 1 c and go up from there.)

Laundry and Mushroom Gravy

My first attempt at laundry was a near disaster.

My parents and brothers were off doing some boy scout activity, leaving me home alone for hours.  As a sixth-grader, I felt that the best way to stay out of trouble was to clean my room.  (I also might have been instructed to do so, but that’s miscellaneous information.)

The basic cleaning and dusting tasks were things that I could manage quite well.  However, I decided to be extra-helpful and wash my comforter and bedding. Now, it was a “rite of passage” in my family to pick out your own, very nice comforter that matched your painted room.

Therefore, I lugged down my Laura Ashley comforter and all of the sheets to the basement and analyzed the situation. The dryer was something I was comfortable with, but the washing machine was a whole different story. I had never used it before, but my 11-year-old brain figured it couldn’t be that difficult.

I then proceeded to stuff all of the sheets, bed ruffle, and comforter into the washing machine (it took a lot of effort to cram everything in) and turned the water to medium and heavy load. Next I surveyed my options. There were numerous boxes of powdered stuff, which I had no idea what to use. Then I spotted the only thing I recognized:

Extra Strength Clorox in Spring Floral.

I still maintain to this day that the bottle did not say “bleach” in large letters anywhere.

My only saving grace is that I poured a smaller than recommended amount into the detergent dispenser and not directly into the water, which meant that I ended up only with a comforter with slightly faded flowers BUT the white parts of the design were quite bright.

After learning of my mistake from my mother, I took a break from attempting laundry for a while.

Easy Instructions Peppered Mushroom Wine Gravy

as shown on my flank steak

Ingredients

  • 8 oz baby bella mushrooms (can also use white button or portobello), sliced
  • 1 onion, diced
  • 1 tbsp olive oil
  • 1 tbsp pepper
  • 3 tbsp worchestershire sauce
  • 3 tbsp flour
  • 1/2 c red wine
  • 1 c skim milk (could substitute vegetable broth if desired)
  • Salt

How-to

  1. Heat olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat until shimmery.
  2. Add in mushrooms, onion, and pepper. Saute for 5 minutes.
  3. Add worchestershire sauce and cook for an additional 2 minutes.
  4. Sprinkle flour over mushroom mixture, reduce heat to low, and stir until you can’t see any white granules (be sure to scrape bottom of the pan)
  5. Add in red wine and return heat to medium.
  6. Stir in milk, 1/2 c at a time. Cook for a low simmer for 10-15 minutes, stirring and scraping bottom of the pan every few minutes, until gravy is to desired consistency. Salt and pepper to taste.

Serve over steak, roasts, mashed potatoes, poultry, et cetera. If reheating for later use, heat in a small saucepan with an additional 1/4 c skim milk until smooth.