Horny Old Ladies and Mashed Potatoes

In medicine, you always have some crazy patients.

I was doing my emergency medicine rotation at a private hospital in the Detroit area.  Our patient population was this mix of people with a lot of money and residents of Detroit that didn’t want to go to any of the inner city hospitals.

I picked up the next chart to see that I would be seeing a lady who had been sent to the ED with high blood pressure. I made my way over to her hallway bed- the place was packed, which is normal for night, so the majority of our beds line the hallways.

In taking a history, you run through a number of questions…what brings you here? when did this start? how are you feeling now?

My patient was an African-American woman who was much closer to 100 than she was to 50, decked out in a leopard-print suit and had her red hat lying on the bed next to her. Her daughter, who was much closer to 50, was sitting in the chair next to her. She was a bit hard of hearing, which meant that she answered every question very loudly.

And then, I hit the fated question: “Ma’am, are you in any pain right now?”

Patient (in a loud purr): Oh honey, I have a pain between my legs that only a man or toy can fix.  Unfortunately my husband passed away so I’m stuck resorting to batteries.

Daughter: Oh mom, this nice lady here doesn’t want to know about your sex life. Just answer the question.

I’ll admit two things:

  1. I burst out laughing in the middle of the ED- I just couldn’t help myself. Thankfully they laughed along with me, along with everyone who overheard.
  2. She went home in great health a few hours later.

Satisfying Alternative Garlic Mashed Potatoes

Ingredients

  • 1.5 lbs small red-skin potatoes (about half a 5 lb bag), not peeled and chopped into small pieces (feel free to use whatever potato you have on hand- I just prefer red skin or yukon gold)
  • 5 cloves garlic, minced (can use more if you like)
  • 2 tbsp light butter
  • 1/3 c skim milk
  • 1/4 c fat-free sour cream
  • 1/4 c fat-free greek yogurt
  • 1 tsp garlic powder
  • 3 tbsp chives, chopped
  • Salt
  • Pepper

How-to

  1. Place potatoes into a 2 qt saucepan and cover with cold salted (normally 1/2 tsp) water. Cover and place over medium heat. Remove cover when boiling and continue for approximately 15-20 minutes until potatoes are easily pierced by a fork.
  2. Drain potatoes (do not rinse), add butter and garlic to pan, and cover for approximately 5 minutes.
  3. Mash potatoes, butter, and garlic together.  (Don’t have a potato masher? Me either!  I always use a whisk- my grandfather’s trick.)
  4. Stir in skim milk, sour cream, greek yogurt, and garlic powder and continue mashing until potatoes reach your desired consistency (feel free to add more skim milk if necessary).
  5. Add chives and salt and pepper to taste. Enjoy!

Serves 4-6 normal adults or 3 of Irish-Polish heritage 😉

67 thoughts on “Horny Old Ladies and Mashed Potatoes

  1. Sounds delish… always looking for new potato recipes… (love the anecdote too)

  2. Nothing wrong in laughing with your patients. To me it shows that we physicians aren’t the trained robots a lot of patients feel that we are. It not only makes the patient more human to us, but also adds that element of humanity to our patients. Doing my ED clerkship was one of my favorite times in med-school. Even as a PGY-1 I spent 3 months in the ED and LOVED it. Memorable patients and quotes, now I only get it when I consult in the ED or have to admit to service. Great to hear she had a good disposition. The potatoes look great!

  3. LOL!!! That made me laugh out loud too. I love it….

    Those potatoes sound wonderful!

  4. Hey thanks for following my blog! I’m glad, as it introduced me to yours. Your writing is hilarious. Also–I work as a standardized patient from time to time, so I feel I have a particular appreciation for funny medical stories 🙂

  5. Oh that woman would’ve tickled me too. She sounds hilarious and so much fun to be around. She reminds me of my great aunt LOL. And these mash potato recipe sounds amazing. Thanks for sharing this great story

  6. Just discovered your blog. Very delightful! Will be back for more when I need a smile. Thank you!

  7. ‘Laughter is the best medecine’? 🙂

  8. are you saying that mashed potatoes are a good substitution to battery operated tools/a man?
    your patients are very lucky!

    1. More like the mashed potatoes have healthier ingredient substitutions 😉

  9. LMFAO! I spit my coffee on my screen! Thank you, this was HILARIOUS!!!

  10. And I thought just my patients were a little crazy! Fun blog (and great recipes also)! 🙂

  11. HAHAHAHAH!!! Oh dear… that made me laugh out loud too! Bless her… 🙂

  12. I’ll have to try these potatoes! I’m always looking for new ways to cook them!

    1. I’m a European mutt- I just love potatoes!

  13. Great story and recipe, thanks for sharing and for following my blog. Look forward to reading and cooking more from your blog.
    Dennis

  14. Sarah Koci Scheilz January 23, 2012 — 3:04 pm

    Laughing at your story! Love your whole blog and the way you tell a story and a recipe. Can’t wait to keep reading!

  15. Haha! I don’t know about them being a satisfying alternative, but the mash potatoes do look good! Love your stories 😉

    1. It’s actually that they’re a satisfying alternative to high fat mashed potatoes 😉

      1. whoops! you can tell where my mind is….. 😉

      2. No worries- you weren’t the only one 😉

  16. I hope my grandma paid her co-pay before she left.

  17. hilarious story attached to your recipe, almost forgot to read the recipe!

    thanks for following my blog 🙂

  18. Meal planning and laundry for the foreseeable future. Those with a great recipe that doubles & freezes well: this is an open solicitation.

  19. Filipino Festival February 3, 2012 — 3:58 am

    Reblogged this on FilipinoFestival.com.

  20. Yum I love garlic mashed potatoes. Thanks for sharing!

  21. Hello. magnificent job. I did not expect this. This is a remarkable story. Thanks!

  22. Great post! It was hilarious, and I can’t wait to try the recipe. 🙂 Looks delicious!

  23. I loved this. I used to be a Legal Aid attorney and I was always surprised (and a little delighted) at the crazy things people are willing to admit!

    Also, your mashed potatoes look divine.

    1. The thing they never tell you when you tell people you want to become a doctor is that patients will tell you anything.

  24. Well, I burst out with explosive laughter on reading this one–especially after multiple trips to the ER with aging parents over the years. They will, indeed, say anything. My dad scandalized us all on more than one occasion.

  25. Haha – what funny story – that lady had some fire in her! Great idea about the garlic mashed potatoes! Thank you for sharing!

  26. Reblogged this on A FRESH START and commented:
    This cracked me up of course I am 43 with a fistful of batteries….I’m glad the sense of humor or sex desire doesn’t decline with age

  27. OMG!!! I am laughing so hard my eyes are watering! This was awesome!! LOL!!!!

  28. I used to work in psychiatric emergency. I lived for clients like that – though more often than not the really “fun” clients were ones under active delusions. Alas.

    Also, as one who is largely Irish with a half Polish husband, this recipe looks awesome!

  29. Hey there! Thanks for checking out my blog. You are hilarious, looking forward to more of your posts!

  30. Oh my, her answer would have never been something I would have thought of. Funny though. Now I want some potatoes.

  31. OH MY LIFE! I don’t think I have laughed so loud & for so long in quite some time. GENIUS 🙂 Great segway to the garlic mash. I shall be trying those out this week. Great blog

  32. I have reblogged, couldn’t resist 🙂

  33. Thanks for following my blog, brought me to yours and a great belly laugh! Fun story!

  34. Fantastic! After a (small?) heart attack I am now faced with food regimes and your recipe sounds like a real winner, since I really have no desire to alter my indulgent food habits.
    But I also LOVED your story. That lady would have livened up the hospitals I’ve seen lately!!!!

  35. Nothing like a little levity !!!
    Thanks for stopping by !

  36. Reminds me of a patient i was looking after to after she had had a pacemaker fitter – she wanted the toilet – i asked would you like a bedpan and she replied ‘nope, my Mother told me i was never to wee in the bed’ i laughed and she laughed along with me. Her needs and so were mine.
    I could just eat those mashed potatoes 🙂

  37. Thanks for stopping by my blog. This post made my day!

  38. I just added this feed to my bookmarks. I have to say, I really enjoy reading your blogs. Keep it up!

  39. Completely love the seemingly random but totally upbeat combo of your work episode together with recipes. Fun. Makes me smile.

  40. I am a nurse who also combines all things clinical with food! I think your blog absolutely rules!

  41. thass whut ahm tawkin’ about Diva. continue…

  42. sounds like the man who ‘fell’ on his vacuum cleaner whilst cleaning in the nude!

  43. I am a NP and the combo of food and ER humor is fabulous. You are so much braver than I at retelling of patient humor. If I wasn’t such a chicken I could match your story with one of my own just from last week 🙂

  44. It would take a robot to not laugh! thanks for sharing a brilliant story!

  45. The recipe looks good. The story’s amazing.

  46. I have to admit you got me on the title! Did you give her your recipe?

    1. She probably has a full-fat version of mashed potatoes that is much more decadent 😉

  47. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

    That was AWESOME! And you know what else is awesome? Her daughter’s reaction! Was she totally nonplussed?

    1. Very much so. She didn’t seem too surprised.

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