If I’m Going to Hell, I’m Taking These Wings

If you’re going to tell me I’m going to hell, you have to expect me to fight back.

It was a hot June day and a bunch of us were about to go tubing on the river located by our apartments. I was already decked out in my stars and stripes bikini (nothing wrong with being patriotic, y’all) and gathering up my stuff when my doorbell rang.

Now I had thought that I was supposed to meet my friend at her house, but maybe she was coming to mine instead? I couldn’t see who was outside so I just buzzed the person in, then opened my door to the knock.

Standing in my doorway were two men of God, carrying pamphlets about their meeting over the world ending soon. And they did not have happy looks on their faces upon seeing me.

Me: Hi there, can I help you?

Man #1: We just wanted to come here to save you and let you know that the world will be ending.

Me: Well thank you very much, but as you can see, I’m about to head out.

Man #2: (while sneering) Well that’s fine if you want to continue to damn yourself to hell with your current behavior, but if you want to be saved you’ll stay and listen to us.

As I previously said, I don’t take too kindly to this.

Me: Excuse me, sir, but I was raised Catholic and the first lessons you learn are that 1) God loves everyone and 2) we aren’t supposed to judge our fellow man, because God alone will judge us after we leave this earth. Therefore I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t tell me I’m going to hell, since that will be His decision, wouldn’t it?

I’ve never seen jaws drop as far as I did that time.  I then politely said goodbye and shut my door.

I’m finally off their mailing list for their seminars on the world ending, too.

Sinfully Delicious Hot Wings

if I’m going to hell, these are coming with me


  • 1.5 lbs chicken wings, tips discarded and wings separated (or just buy drummettes, like I did)
  • 4 c water
  • 3 tbsp salt
  • 2 tbsp white wine vinegar
  • 3 tbsp crushed red pepper flakes
  • Olive oil spray
  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • Cayenne
  • 4 tbsp beer jelly
  • 4 tbsp sriracha


  1. Mix together water, salt, white wine vinegar, and crushed red pepper flakes.
  2. Place chicken into a gallon size ziplock bag and pour mixture on top. Brine for at least 3 hours- I did mine overnight.
  3. Preheat oven to 475 degrees.
  4. Remove chicken from brining liquid and dry off with a paper towel. Place on a roasting pan with a rack, or onto a cookie sheet with an oven-safe cooling rack placed on top of it (you can just place in a roasting dish, but you’ll get crispier chicken this way).
  5. Spray chicken with olive oil, then sprinkle with salt, pepper, and cayenne pepper. Bake for 25-30 minutes or until chicken is starting to look crispy.
  6. Mix together beer jelly (I haven’t tried it, but you could also sub in another type of jelly- I’d probably recommend cherry for a good flavor profile) and sriracha. Remove wings from oven and brush mixture onto each wing. Return to oven for an additional 10 minutes.
  7. Let cool 5 minutes to give the coating a chance to set, then enjoy with your favorite dipping sauce (I prefer ranch).

By brining overnight with the crushed red pepper flakes and then coating in the sriracha, both the outside and the actual meat are spicy. If you like yours hotter, just use more sriracha and less beer jelly.


53 thoughts on “If I’m Going to Hell, I’m Taking These Wings

  1. My grandmother used to tell me “Jenny, we are going to heaven because we’re Catholic. Everyone else . . . is not”. That’s usually what I tell the door to door folks and other crazies. “Hey, I’m Catholic! I’m sure I’m going to heaven, you should really worry about yourself”. Usually works. Can’t wait to try your beer jelly.

  2. Love the anecdote as always! I’ve had my share of encounters with the door-knockers also… ugh! I remind them of the ten commandments… particularly “Thou Shalt Not Judge” and “There shall be no other God before Me”. I usually close the door while they’re grasping at SOME answer to what I’ve said!
    The wings look FABULOUS… different from the recipe I have on my blog, so I’ll definitely have to try them out! I’ll be making your beer jelly this weekend!! I can’t wait to try it!

  3. When I used to wait tables I got “jesus” papers more than anyone else! You know the little repent now or die pamphlet they stuff in with your tip? I mean, why me?????? Gah. I’m taking chicken wings with me when I leave this world. And chocolate.

  4. I love the snarky commentary…I have a feeling they truly didn’t know what hit them! Thanks for the follow- I look forward to keeping tabs on your posts as well! Oh, and I’d be bringing my Cadbury mini-eggs 🙂

  5. Well said! And those wings look *heavenly*.

    Many thanks for following my blog, jubbiz.wordpress.com – after seeing this I’m going to return the favour 🙂

  6. Your posts always leave me smiling, if not laughing. 😀 I’ll have to give the wings a try as I have a whole family of Southern Baptists who earnestly believe I am going to hell (and secretly hoping it to be so).

  7. I’ve met some pretty mean “men of God” too. Nice job telling them what they needed to be told! The wings look delicious, I would take them to hell too.

  8. OMG I genuinely just burst out into a huge laugh on reading this post! Fanbloodytastic! Oh if only I could wear a Union Jack bikini and do the same but I suspect the “men of god” would be scared for very different reasons … 😀

  9. Oh Bravo…lol…I love that…I will have to remember to use that in the future…(thanks for following my blog by the way, just starting out…I am enjoying yours very much lol…)

  10. Very creative recipe! However, I think it’s the Wing Tips that help you fly as much as the cayenne. My wife hates spice but I love it. She makes darned good wings in Soy/Garlic sauce, which I can later dip in Frank’s Hot Sauce….drool. .. But, as far as I know the door to door priests may be right and you may be going to hell because you cannot get enough altitude with drum sticks; you just flitter and crash. When you cook the whole wing, the tips turn brown, burn a bit and get crispy, then you can eat the chicken bone in the wing tip and not get splinters in your stomach…though if they are hot enough I think the bones dissolve in the cayenne :-). So as an MD, great “healthy” recommended foods for your patients are a great idea but don’t leave out the calcium and the carbon in the nice crispy bone……I do sell bridges too. Okay, I will try your recipe but with stevia and zylitol but not sugar in the jelly. Dr J

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