If you’re going to tell me I’m going to hell, you have to expect me to fight back.
It was a hot June day and a bunch of us were about to go tubing on the river located by our apartments. I was already decked out in my stars and stripes bikini (nothing wrong with being patriotic, y’all) and gathering up my stuff when my doorbell rang.
Now I had thought that I was supposed to meet my friend at her house, but maybe she was coming to mine instead? I couldn’t see who was outside so I just buzzed the person in, then opened my door to the knock.
Standing in my doorway were two men of God, carrying pamphlets about their meeting over the world ending soon. And they did not have happy looks on their faces upon seeing me.
Me: Hi there, can I help you?
Man #1: We just wanted to come here to save you and let you know that the world will be ending.
Me: Well thank you very much, but as you can see, I’m about to head out.
Man #2: (while sneering) Well that’s fine if you want to continue to damn yourself to hell with your current behavior, but if you want to be saved you’ll stay and listen to us.
As I previously said, I don’t take too kindly to this.
Me: Excuse me, sir, but I was raised Catholic and the first lessons you learn are that 1) God loves everyone and 2) we aren’t supposed to judge our fellow man, because God alone will judge us after we leave this earth. Therefore I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t tell me I’m going to hell, since that will be His decision, wouldn’t it?
I’ve never seen jaws drop as far as I did that time. I then politely said goodbye and shut my door.
I’m finally off their mailing list for their seminars on the world ending, too.
Sinfully Delicious Hot Wings
- 1.5 lbs chicken wings, tips discarded and wings separated (or just buy drummettes, like I did)
- 4 c water
- 3 tbsp salt
- 2 tbsp white wine vinegar
- 3 tbsp crushed red pepper flakes
- Olive oil spray
- 4 tbsp beer jelly
- 4 tbsp sriracha
- Mix together water, salt, white wine vinegar, and crushed red pepper flakes.
- Place chicken into a gallon size ziplock bag and pour mixture on top. Brine for at least 3 hours- I did mine overnight.
- Preheat oven to 475 degrees.
- Remove chicken from brining liquid and dry off with a paper towel. Place on a roasting pan with a rack, or onto a cookie sheet with an oven-safe cooling rack placed on top of it (you can just place in a roasting dish, but you’ll get crispier chicken this way).
- Spray chicken with olive oil, then sprinkle with salt, pepper, and cayenne pepper. Bake for 25-30 minutes or until chicken is starting to look crispy.
- Mix together beer jelly (I haven’t tried it, but you could also sub in another type of jelly- I’d probably recommend cherry for a good flavor profile) and sriracha. Remove wings from oven and brush mixture onto each wing. Return to oven for an additional 10 minutes.
- Let cool 5 minutes to give the coating a chance to set, then enjoy with your favorite dipping sauce (I prefer ranch).
By brining overnight with the crushed red pepper flakes and then coating in the sriracha, both the outside and the actual meat are spicy. If you like yours hotter, just use more sriracha and less beer jelly.