As a doctor, I’m supposed to get all of the details about why you’re seeing me. However, sometimes I really don’t need to get the entire story.
While on a stint in the ED, I had a patient coming in for an asthma attack while I was working the overnight shift. It involved a bit of drama at first, with the patient quite a bit anxious and hyperventilating. It also didn’t help that the woman with him was prancing around braless in pajamas.
When he finally was breathing like a normal person, I started asking questions. Now, it’s normally a sign of poorly controlled asthma if it wakes you up from sleep. That was not the case.
Me: So, sir, did this asthma attack wake you up?
Patient: Nope.
Me: So you were awake at 3:30am?
Patient: Yup.
Me: And why were you….?
The patient and the woman looked at each other. And then I got it.
Me: Oh. Okay. You don’t need to say anything more.
Patient: Well my fiance here had started in this position and..
Me: Sir, I said I got it. I don’t need any more details. Do you often have asthma attacks during this activity?
Patient: Nope, but this time was different because…
Me: Sir, as I just said, I don’t need the details. The basic story is fine.
Unfortunately, there isn’t a medical code for “sex-induced asthma,” so I had to send him off with the simple diagnosis of “asthma attack.” And you at least have to give the fiance props for spicing things up to a point that her man couldn’t breathe…
Morning After Breakfast Sandwich
Take that, mickey-d’s…just don’t serve to anyone with an egg or gluten allergy!
Ingredients (per person)
- 1 large egg
- 1 whole-wheat english muffin, split
- butter-flavored cooking spray
- 3 thin slices good salami
- 1 slice smoked gouda (or whatever other type of good melting cheese you have on hand…even american!)
- 1 slice tomato
- salt
- pepper
How-to
- Toast an english muffin in a toaster or toaster oven
- Spray a small non-stick pain with butter spray (I know I normally tell you never to do this because it ruins your pans, but I have a specific small egg pan that I use just for this- they’re pretty cheap at your large big box store- and so I don’t feel bad about replacing it more often) and play over medium heat
- Crack an egg into the pan and break the egg yolk immediately (I’ll use a spatula or even the egg shell). Sprinkle on salt and pepper.
- After 1-2 minutes, flip the egg and cook for an additional 1-2 minutes (or whatever your desired egg consistency is). Top with the slice of cheese so it melts.
- Place the salami slices on the bottom of the toasted english muffin. Top with the egg covered with cheese, tomato slice, and the top of the english muffin.
- Enjoy! These also are easy to eat while driving on the way to work, or put into a container to eat once you arrive!
domestic diva, M.D. 
Funny story…asthma attack aside. Great looking sandwich. Must remember not to read food blogs when hungry and no food in house.
This my idea of a good breakfast …. Still I would love to know what position he was on about. Brilliantly fun.
He started to tell me that he was sitting up before I shushed him again…
Didn’t know that being a doctor could be such fun *laughing.
That is epic. I am a vegetarian and that could really throw me off the wagon. cheers!
You could just eliminate the salami…unless you don’t eat eggs and cheese. Then I don’t know what to tell you 😉
Use tomato, avocado, spinach….
Looks good to me…and loved the story…Pj’s and no bra…I see that every day at Walmart…
Have an asthma attack at night, and then a heart attack in the morning. 🙂
This is fantastic. I swapped out the salami for bacon, though. The tomato was a nice touch, too.
Mmm… gouda… *drools* much tastier than the flavorless cheese they put on most ready-made breakfast sandwiches.
Maybe he was trying to explain that he was eating breakfast sandwich while he was having sex…
I remember very clearly a patient with a sex induced subarachnoid hæmorrhage. He was 6’5″ and she was 5’0″. His only question was, “Doc, tell me I’ll still be able to have sex”.
Ah, the mind boggles… Great post as always! Tom
🙂 For purely medical research reasons you should have followed up when the guy said, “this time was different because…” 🙂 Your Morning After Breakfast Sandwich looks amazing!
What’s the code for exercise-induced asthma? 😉
Real butter on my breakfast sandwich, or none at all. Otherwise, awesome-looking sandwich. I just might have to allow myself one of those on my weekly diet-free day.
I am still giggling over this, partly that where you saw the poor guy was clearly not his problem….
“exercise” induced asthma?
Thanks for the follow! Your blog is really great. Also, I love making breakfast sandwiches like this, but I never thought to add salami. Good idea! 🙂
Lol wow. Glad the guy was ok. I can only imagine the stories you here
God that muffin looks good! Pity I am one of the people with gluten intolerance. 😛 However, I might make my own GF muffins. 🙂
I totally would’ve prodded for further details 😉 And I love making breakfast sandwiches at home – they always taste better!
That story made me laugh so loud that my birds startled and gave me dirty looks. Also, this sandwich looks totally delicious.
Interesting post, it is nice breakfast although as Indonesian I prefer rice 🙂
I guess if you had to have an asthma attack that would be the way to have it. 🙂 Hope I did not offend anyone. 🙂
Funny story
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Ah, patients… Never can give you the information you need, but are never short of irrelevant stories. As a former hospital employee, I feel your pain! 😉
I have a son and a cousin that work in ER, and a friend that is 4th year medical and is planning on ER. I hear really interesting stories, some scary, some sad, and some that end with “next time use a string”. :p
The Sammie looks great. I have a lap band and simply can’t eat bread, so I’m always figuring substitutes. I use pieces of iceberg lettuce to wrap my hamburgers. I’ll have to think about what would work for this. I think a dab of Dijon would go with.
Props to the fiance indeed! Pretty funny post … cracking me up actually.
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Was that your recommendation? Go home and take two breakfast sandwiches?
Told him to keep his inhaler nearby next time 😉
Oh man…you really do have to deal with some interesting stuff in between… 🙂
I’m suddenly very happy my asthma attacks have always been cold-induced. I think he was just trying to impress you.
I was always under the impression that I was the only person to ever have seen “sex-induced asthma” @ my ER!