Sometimes, patients have ulterior motives.
I was trying very hard to discharge my patient, an up-to-this-point very pleasant, easygoing Thai woman.
It just wasn’t working.
We told her at 6am (I was, after all on a surgery month, where rounds start far earlier and thankfully are far shorter) that we’d be sending her home later that day once her paperwork was done.
I was done with her paperwork by 9am, with her discharge order in shortly afterward.
And here was where the trouble began. Now, most people don’t like being in the hospital. Yes, you do have a few people who attempt to work the system, but in general, being in the hospital is NOT like being in a hotel (more stories on that to come in future posts).
First, she wanted refills of every medication she ever took, along with having them hand delivered to her room. Accomplished.
Next, she wanted to stay through lunch, as her family wouldn’t be able to pick her up until the afternoon. Request granted.
Then she wanted both the flu shot and the pneumonia vaccine. Ask and you shall receive.
I kept getting paged over and over again to go into her room and answer questions. (Can I shower when I get home? Well, we let you shower here, so…Can I eat my normal foods? Well, we had you on a general diet here, soo…)
And then the real truth came out.
Patient: So, you no married, no? My grandson, he real hottie for young doctor. He be here soon! Make grandma proud! Nice doctor to marry!
I then had to politely decline her offers to grant me a husband.
Potential In Law Approved Pumpkin Bread
Ingredients (makes 2 large loaves of bread)
- 1 overly ripe banana
- 1/2 c vegetable oil
- 3 cups brown sugar
- 4 eggs
- 15 oz can pumpkin
- 1 c whole wheat flour
- 2 1/3 c white flour
- 1 c dried cranberries
- 2 tsp baking soda
- 1 1/2 tsp salt
- 1 tsp cinnamon
- 1 tsp nutmeg
- 2/3 c water
- 4 tbsp roasted pepitas (pumpkin seeds)
- 2 tbsp white sugar
- Cooking spray
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
- Liberally spray two loaf pans with cooking spray (otherwise these puppies won’t come out, and you certainly don’t want that!).
- In the bowl of your stand mixer (though feel free to make this by hand if you so choose), beat together banana, oil, and sugar. Add in eggs, one at a time, then pumpkin.
- In another bowl, mix together flours, dried cranberries, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, and nutmeg.
- With the stand mixer running on low, alternate adding the flour mixture and water (I do flour/water/flour/water/flour).
- Equally divide batter between the loaf pans.
- Sprinkle each loaf with 2 tbsp pepitas and 1 tbsp sugar.
- Bake for 55-65 minutes, rotating one halfway through, until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out cleanly.
- Cool bread for 10-15 minutes in the pans, then carefully remove from pans (remember, I said they stick!). Let bread cool completely, then wrap in plastic wrap covered by aluminum foil and wait to eat until the next day (or immediately if you cannot wait). Slice thinly (or thickly if you must) and enjoy!