Sometimes my patients don’t exactly hear what I’m trying to tell them.
I had a patient that the previous night had been having a difficult time breathing, and thus I was in his room discussing his care with his nurse. He was lying there calmly sleeping (or so we thought) while we were talking to his wife.
Me: So we’ll keep him on this form of oxygen now and then switch him later?
Nurse: Yeah, I’ll switch him when my shift is done to rest him.
All of a sudden our we-thought-he-was-sleeping patient shot straight out of bed.
Patient (yelling): RECTUM? YOU AREN’T GETTING ANYWHERE NEAR MY RECTUM! NO MA’AM! NOT TODAY, NOT TOMORROW!!
(confused looks shared by everyone in the room)
Me: But sir, we said absolutely nothing about your rectum.
Patient: Yes you did! I heard you! You can’t trick me!
Me: Sir, we were talking about resting you by putting you back on some better oxygen. She said “rest him,” not “rectum.”
Patient: Oh. That makes more sense. But you still aren’t going anywhere near my rectum!!! I won’t allow it!
As promised, we went nowhere near his rectum during the rest of his hospital stay.
You Heard Me Correctly Carrot Cake Jam
no misunderstandings with this one
- 1 lb carrots, peeled
- 2 pears, peeled and sliced
- 1 inch thick round fresh pineapple, rind and core removed and cut into large cubes
- 3 tbsp fresh lemon juice
- 1 tsp cinnamon
- 1/2 tsp powdered ginger
- 1/2 tsp fresh nutmeg
- 1/2 tsp cloves
- 1 c water
- 1 package powdered pectin
- 6 1/2 c sugar
- Dice carrots in food processor until just barely larger than your desired consistency. Add pears and pineapple and pulse until those are in small chunks.
- In a large pot, dump in carrot, pear, and pineapple mixture. Add in lemon juice, spices, and water.
- Prepare water bath canner with six pint jars, rings, and lids.
- Bring jam mixture to a boil, reduce to simmer, and cook for 15-20 minutes or until fruits and carrots soften and start to release their juices.
- Turn off heat and stir in powdered pectin. Turn heat back on and bring to full boil.
- Add sugar and bring back again to full boil. Cook for 1 minute, then turn off heat.
- Ladle jam into hot jars leaving 1/4 inch at the top. Wipe off rims then place on lids and rings.
- Place jars in water bath canner, bring water back to a boil, and process for 10 minutes.
- Remove jars and let cool for 12-24 hours. If jars not sealed within 24 hours, place in fridge and eat within a week.
P.S. This makes excellent holiday gifts!
P.P.S. If desired, you can stir 1/4 c nuts and 1/4 raisins into the jam mixture at the beginning of cooking.