Sometimes my patients don’t exactly hear what I’m trying to tell them.
I had a patient that the previous night had been having a difficult time breathing, and thus I was in his room discussing his care with his nurse. He was lying there calmly sleeping (or so we thought) while we were talking to his wife.
Me: So we’ll keep him on this form of oxygen now and then switch him later?
Nurse: Yeah, I’ll switch him when my shift is done to rest him.
All of a sudden our we-thought-he-was-sleeping patient shot straight out of bed.
Patient (yelling): RECTUM? YOU AREN’T GETTING ANYWHERE NEAR MY RECTUM! NO MA’AM! NOT TODAY, NOT TOMORROW!!
(confused looks shared by everyone in the room)
Me: But sir, we said absolutely nothing about your rectum.
Patient: Yes you did! I heard you! You can’t trick me!
Me: Sir, we were talking about resting you by putting you back on some better oxygen. She said “rest him,” not “rectum.”
Patient: Oh. That makes more sense. But you still aren’t going anywhere near my rectum!!! I won’t allow it!
As promised, we went nowhere near his rectum during the rest of his hospital stay.
You Heard Me Correctly Carrot Cake Jam
no misunderstandings with this one
Ingredients
- 1 lb carrots, peeled
- 2 pears, peeled and sliced
- 1 inch thick round fresh pineapple, rind and core removed and cut into large cubes
- 3 tbsp fresh lemon juice
- 1 tsp cinnamon
- 1/2 tsp powdered ginger
- 1/2 tsp fresh nutmeg
- 1/2 tsp cloves
- 1 c water
- 1 package powdered pectin
- 6 1/2 c sugar
How-to
- Dice carrots in food processor until just barely larger than your desired consistency. Add pears and pineapple and pulse until those are in small chunks.
- In a large pot, dump in carrot, pear, and pineapple mixture. Add in lemon juice, spices, and water.
- Prepare water bath canner with six pint jars, rings, and lids.
- Bring jam mixture to a boil, reduce to simmer, and cook for 15-20 minutes or until fruits and carrots soften and start to release their juices.
- Turn off heat and stir in powdered pectin. Turn heat back on and bring to full boil.
- Add sugar and bring back again to full boil. Cook for 1 minute, then turn off heat.
- Ladle jam into hot jars leaving 1/4 inch at the top. Wipe off rims then place on lids and rings.
- Place jars in water bath canner, bring water back to a boil, and process for 10 minutes.
- Remove jars and let cool for 12-24 hours. If jars not sealed within 24 hours, place in fridge and eat within a week.
P.S. This makes excellent holiday gifts!
P.P.S. If desired, you can stir 1/4 c nuts and 1/4 raisins into the jam mixture at the beginning of cooking.
domestic diva, M.D. 
I remember when a bunch of one-liners like this was going around. They were supposedly true:
Screaming mighty Jesus <- spinal meningitis
Numbers in the blood <- high white blood count
Those are the only ones I remember off hand.
Hahaha I like the screaming mighty Jesus one 🙂
Brilliant .. it took me a while before I understood what he was worried about – never heard that before … have to remember. Love your stories about your day at work.
And I love everything about the jam, so on file I put it… NOW!
Nothing was allowed near his back door, even though the oxygen we were using would be used at the exact opposite end 😉
Well, sometimes you can’t find a whoopee cushion.
Brilliant story .. *smile …
I work in healthcare … this was hilarious 🙂
Thanks!
Hilarious story… also love this idea for gifts. Thanks for sharing 🙂
-JulieC
Thanks and you’re welcome!
sounds interesting……………..maybe i will try it
It’s pretty tasty!
Wrecked him?
Damn near killed him.
Always goes thru my mind when the term “rectum” is uttered.
Hahaha yup, same here!
Hey Ms. Diva I am going to make this jam. Can you use canned pineapple in place of a fresh one? Kind’a the same when making Apricot Jam with pineapple. My mom always made that jam and used can pineapple.
Thanks for sharing…and how funny that you thought the man was sleeping and he heard rectum. You need to assure him no rectum with a slice of toast and your Carrot-Cake Jam 🙂
Chef Randall
savorthefood.wordpress.com
You definitely can use canned pineapple in place of fresh!
Thanks for the reply. Making it tomorrow. 🙂
I might do a Vlog..if that’s OK. Will add a link to your blog.
Chef Randall
savorthefood.wordpress.com
sure that’s fine!
Thank you for your advice!! It’s so awesome reading your stories from residency.. and admiring your culinary feats! Something I can look forward to 🙂
You’re welcome! See- you can still cook and blog while in residency (even when doing a medicine/surgery year for categorical anesthesia) 😉 Though I’ll admit I have much more time to cook on medicine than I do surgery…
Ha ha ha!! I love it! You just gotta love that mans dedication to covering his… well… you know. I love those moments when you really want to laugh your butt off but you have to remain professional. Great job! And thanks for the laugh!
I’ll admit this was totally the case where I laughed and reassured him that we would leave his butt alone 😉
Love It! Made my day to read your post. Thanks for the jam recipe very intriguing and sounds yummy! I use carrots all the time in things to sweeten them naturally without adding sugar a jam never crossed my mind.
I’m a big fan of carrot cake so it’s a great alternative to making a ton of cupcakes!
Danielle Bennett
What a cool idea! I really want to try this! I’ve been wanting to try making jam and this seems like a fun and unique pace to start
The mojito jelly is a bit easier (or look up my beer jelly) if you want a good first jam to make, too 🙂
yummy ingredients sounds good
Thanks!
That is hilarious. 🙂 So he was listening the whole time. Not listening very well though. 🙂
I guess he just didn’t want to answer our questions until he had one himself 😉
This gave me a good laugh!
Glad I could provide that! 🙂
Wow, sounds delish. The jam–not your patient’s rectum, LOL. Your story made me laugh outloud.
Hahahaha I assumed you meant that 😉
You left a LIKE on our blog, so I thought I’d check you out. Smart, funny women are the best–cooking and eating is a bonus. Good luck with dating AND anesthesiology. It’s hard to believe there isn’t a line of guys hammering on your door. Ken
I keep getting told I’m intimidating for that reason…
There ARE guys who love smartypants women with a sense of humor! Believe me, I’m one of them. You need to start hanging out with more writers–although, sigh, there will always be that disparity of income thing. Ken
Yeah the guy from the lasagna post was a “starving artist”…
Deservedly so.
This recipe for jam is so unique, thank you for sharing. I’ll be passing this one on to my mum (who does do some canning…)
Thanks! It’s pretty tasty 🙂
That is an adorable recipe. Would make great Christmas gifts. Your stories are so funny.
🙂
As a former RN, I can totally relate! 😉
This sounds absolutely delicious. Canning is on my 2013 list. What would you serve this with? Biscuits? Pound cake? or just a spoon straight out of the jar?
http://www.totheteeth.org
Spoon, biscuits, cake, anything 🙂
So funny! I bought the canning jars. Maybe I should take them out of our “yucky basement” and dust them off. http://bmoreenergy.wordpress.com 🙂
I’m always a big fan of canning even with how much I work 🙂
I generally think of myself as a fairly witty guy. But faced with this, I can only stand here, gaping. This story threatens to stay with me all day tomorrow…
You’ll never look at restin the same way again…
Thanks for the smiles!!! How funny! Thank you for stopping by our happy little homestead @ Stand Upon Grace! Swing on by anytime for a visit!
Blessings~ Wendy
You’re welcome!
MMMMM,..;What a heavenly creation!
My mother has requested that I bring some home for her 😉
I have been thoroughly entertained by your stories and recipes! So much so that I nominated you for the One Lovely Blog award– see here for details, http://acougarinthekitchen.com/2012/12/12/after-2-months-of-blogging-a-very-nice-fellow-blogger-nominated-me-for-the-one-lovely-blog-award/
Merci!
I love your stories. They always put a smile on my face…
Thanks 🙂
The jam sounds fabulous! Thank you for visiting my blog.
R
Thanks!!
So it would have been highly inappropriate, but I might have entertained the idea of leaving a flexiseal by his bedside for him to wake up to after his next nap… it would have been a fun laugh for his team that day, for sure!
I’ll remember that for next time 😉
This sounds amazing! I gotta give it a try sometime. :]
Also loved the anecdote! I’m hoping I’ll have amusing stories to share somewhere in my future. 😛
I’m sure you’ll have plenty 🙂